8 million stories

The whole time I was at Tara Thai I was going crazy. In a good way. I don’t know what’s gotten into me but lately my thoughts have been shooting in every direction possible. I feel like I can’t put it all down fast enough. I don’t even care anymore that I’m putting my thoughts out here on tumblr where people I know can see cause I really don’t give a fuck. I’ll ramble and sound weird as fuck as much as I fucking want to.
I don’t know, I feel like someone jumpstarted my brain. I feel invincible. Earlier when I was walking to the restaurant I couldn’t help but notice everything and see how beautiful and interesting everything is. Everything. That sounds mad corny but I don’t care. I was looking at the trees and wondered how long they’ve been there, what have they ‘witnessed’ in the entirety of their lives? What was going on in the world at the time they were planted? How would they eventually die? I was wondering what exactly I’d be doing in my life at moment that they die. See? My thoughts are totally out of control. I don’t even know. But lately I’ve figured out that it’s better to put it down somewhere than keep it inside and let it linger and have them dominate my brain. I need to clear out my mind so other thoughts can come and manifest themselves too. I’m just rambling right now and typing out whatever.
Today I noticed that my mom sings along to the radio and I love it. I also noticed how my mom and dad exchange inside jokes without me or Jakob or Mae noticing. They give each other a look and it’s cute and it doesn’t make sense to me. But I noticed it today because I was getting out of my (former) fucking hell hole of a mind and started paying attention to things in my surroundings instead of letting shit consume me.
I went to Barnes and Nobles after Tara Thai and I was in the arts and photography and architecture section and I was looking through this National Geographic book of pictures and I saw this hot springs calcite bed in Turkey. And then I was looking through the rest of the book and it dawned on me the the world is fucking HUGE and I’m so small and everyone else is small too. And if you think about it too hard, one small person might not be anything at all but you can’t have a desert if you don’t have your little grains of sand. Basically I’m saying in a really corny way is that everyone’s important. But in the architecture and arts section, there were books about Steve Jobs and Keith Haring and collective photography books and graffitti books and I was looking through them and it captivated me how well someone conveyed their message in a plain little stick figure drawing. It was one of the Keith Haring graffitti things and it was simple and it explained to me what he thought about the Vietnam War. And I thought it was awesome how he created something that moved a lot of people at the time and possible probably changed someone’s mind about the war. I want to captivate someone like that someday. I want to change people’s minds and make something that might motivate somebody out depression like music does for me or show someone how beautiful the world is or how much help it needs like how photographs move some people. It’s so weird to think that everything is seen completely differently by everyone in the world. Everyone is doubtlessly unique starting with their birth down to it’s specific place, mother, time, what kind of hospital they were born into, and even more specifically down to even what their mom’s hospital bed that she stayed in after giving birth, what that bed’s color was. It probably means absolutely nothing at all in the grand scheme of things but I just love how everyone’s different. If you ask a million people to draw, like, a shoe, every single one would look differently. Well, maybe a million people isn’t too safe of a bet to say that. But basically that’s the idea.
I wonder who’d actually read this all. Probably no one. Maybe if I write long enough on tumblr, people are going to see how long it is and just scroll past it. I kind of want that lol. I don’t know. I should probably have just gotten my thoughts out on like a notebook, or the new sketchbook that Kaan got me for Christmas or something but typing is a thousand times easier. Whatever. Judge me bitchezzzzz~

loleww:

• don’t be too open 
• smile more
• stop comparing yourself to others
• stop overthinking
• stop being lazy/ half- assing everything
• find what makes you happy
• stop stressing over stupid things
• listen to more relaxing music 
• stop being a pussy 
• trust slowly
• don’t think about love so much you queer
• treat everything as temporary 
• try something new every once in a while
• sleep early

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.
-Ernest Hemingway

Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time
-Alan Moore

Lie detector eyeglasses perfected: Civilization collapses.
-Richard Powers

The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly.
-Orson Scott Card

Longed for him. Got him. Shit.
-Margaret Atwood

Epitaph: Foolish humans, never escaped Earth.
-Vernor Vinge

aynus:

LOL

amandaseyfriedchicken:

if I gather all the statuses posted by girls on Facebook I could make a Taylor Swift song 

iheartchaos:

In an effort to try to document the impact serving in Afghanistan has on a person, photographer Claire Felicie began a project entitled Marked in 2009, after her eldest son had enrolled as a marine. The series, which spans from 2009 to 2010, follows 20 young soldiers on their tour of duty in the 1st Battalion, 13th infantry company of the Royal Netherlands Marine Corps, taking photos of the soldiers before, during and after their deployment.

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It’s weird how I don’t see pictures on tumblr as actual people and actual places. I feel like they’re just illusions of impossible faces and landscapes that someone created in their dreams and it came out as a flawless picture that they put on tumblr. Maybe it’s because of the editing. I don’t know. 

But when I see something really cool, my over thinking self understands that somewhere in the world, that place actually exists and I can go to it and feel the air there or feel the heat or that I could actually go talk to that kid that takes 18935734289527 pictures of himself everyday and posts them on the internet and actually meet him. And know that he has his own story, just like everyone else. Idk, I find it interesting to speculate what his life story could be, like what he had for breakfast that morning and what he thinks about before he goes to bed. Nobody really cares about that stuff and I don’t mean to sound like I’m obsessed with this random kid but I love how interesting every single person in the world really is. 

I don’t know. Lol.

I’m trying to see everything as something not impossible or out of reach. I think that’s the best way to go about your life. It motivates me. It makes me want to work hard and earn the breathtaking views and the wonderful people I could meet.

This break from school and stress has been doing me well. I hope I can keep it up.